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The Grandiloquent Ninjas

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[Oct. 7th, 2004|12:30 am]
The Grandiloquent Ninjas
grandiloninjas
[gamera]
Because it's been way too long since we touched this comm. XD

An open letter to Fullmetal Alchemist fandom.



Please realize that, as a story, FMA does not take place in Japan. As such, no one should be speaking Japanese in your stories. Amestris is based very heavily on WWI-era Germany (to the point that they use European military ranks that did not in fact exist in the Japanese army), ergo if you are going to insert any sort of foreign words into your story please make them fangirl German. If you really have to use Japanese or you will die, write yourself a ninja character from Xing [addendum for you anime-only types: in the more recent chapters of the FMA manga, there are indeed ninjas from the country of Xing in the story] who speaks Japanese and isn't understood by anyone in Amestris. Because he/she wouldn't be. 'Taisa' does not have any deep meaning that 'Colonel' doesn't. It means Colonel. You don't call the Fuhrer by a Japanese title; why should you call the Colonel by one?

By the same token, there is no 'r' in Alphonse and no 'o' in Edward. Stop it with the 'Edo' and 'Aru.' You do not speak Japanese. Your mouth has the ability to pronounce their names perfectly well. If Arakawa wanted them named Edo and Aru she would have romanized their names that way. She doesn't. She named them Edward and Alphonse. Use their names. And don't make Al call Ed 'niisan.' 'Brother,' sure, because it's in English and WE ARE WRITING IN ENGLISH. I have yet to see Hawkeye's name officially romanized, so I can't comment on Riza vs. Liza (Liza makes way more sense, though).

Also, be sensible in your pairings. Crack pairings are one thing. Pairings that directly refute undeniable canon facts are another. For example: you could probably justify that Roy is bisexual, if you would want to slash him with someone; Hughes, however, would be difficult to twist into cheating on his wife, let alone cheating on her with a man. Would Ed throw over any reputation to be with a guy? Probably, because Ed doesn't give a damn what people would think of him. Would Roy do the same? NO. Roy wants to be Fuhrer [and don't even say anything about 51 because there's still the manga :p] and he will not damage his reputation before he achieves that goal. If he's gay, it's going to be behind closed (and locked) doors.

Please stop making people rape Ed. Anyone who touches Ed is going to get an automail fist in the teeth right away, and probably lose his head afterward. There are very few people who could physically restrain Ed to that point, if they really wanted to- Izumi (who wouldn't be doing that), Hoenheim (and while arguably he's evil enough in the manga, we are NOT GOING THERE because that's just icky), maaaaaaybe Envy (I have to say that Envy/Ed is the only really plausible scenario in that direction, however much I dislike it). Roy? Um, no. Ed could destroy Roy if he were actually fighting with serious intent (unlike the certification by battle :p), i.e. in self defense. Roy's a one-trick pony; get rid of his gloves and you've disabled him.

For the love of God if you really feel you have to write incest, please write in-character incest. People, as much as I don't like it, Ed and Al would not be hard to put into a plausible scenario (><), especially when compared to other characters that get the same treatment in fandom. Why must you people screw up the easy part? Much stranger pairings than Ed/Al have been written in-character, but you all just keep messing that one up. Not my cup of tea by any means, but very, very easy to justify.

Ed and Winry will never be a fuzzycute couple. THEY WILL CHEW EACH OTHER'S FACES OFF. Ed will destroy his automail, Winry will beat him with a wrench, he will transmute said wrench into scrap metal, she will throw him out of her house. Repeat ad nauseum. Al and Winry, maybe, because they're not two dominant personalities clashing. Winry and Ed are both incredibly strong personalities, and they're just too alike to be compatible. It would be one thing if the Ed/Winry people could write them both in-character in the relationship, but that seems to evade fandom so far as well.

xoxo,
Me! <3



More when I see more dumb things recurring in fanfiction!
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: chibi_tenshi24
2004-10-07 06:05 am (UTC)
*DIES* Well said XDXDXDXD I should be doing a number of these open letters to fandoms too.

BRAVO BRAVO!
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From: gamera
2004-10-10 02:37 pm (UTC)
Thanks! XD

I am so tempted to do one for Naruto fandom. Except that would require about twelve letters. Augh.
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[User Picture]From: darksome_raven
2005-05-15 05:54 am (UTC)

*tears of joy*

Good! Someone finally sees the unintelligence and primal stupidity! And, by the way, you are the first person (that I know of), who has used the word "ergo" correctly in a sentence with full-knowledge of what it means. That makes my good spirits reach a level of blithe bouyancy.
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From: gamera
2005-05-19 03:20 am (UTC)

Re: *tears of joy*

Woah, people read this comm? (Time to cue my own tears of joy!) We were actually talking about doing more with this community, so that's good to know. :p

There is so much primal stupidity in FMA fandom (I can't even look at fm_alchemist, man). It's almost too easy of a target.

Glad to see that my English major has one good use! :p
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